Just Say It Already!

Updated: Jan 30, 2019

I love getting messages in my dreams or just as I wake up. This morning, the message was loud and clear: my excess weight are the words I never said. Wait.. say what?!

I smirked as I stumbled out of bed and started my morning routine. While sitting at the table, the house all quiet and pen in hand, this is what came to me. I am, like many, an emotional eater. I eat when I'm happy, sad, bored, lonely, hurt, angry.. you get the picture. So in my late teens, early adulthood and up to very recently, when someone would insult me, put me down, graze me the wrong way or down right piss me off, instead of dealing with it using words, I would deal with it with food. I would literally stuff the emotions down my throat, hoping I guess to destroy them along with the food in my stomach, like as if by magic. The other thing is that one does not eat her emotions with salad and kale.. noooo it's greasy, chocolatey and/or deep fried.

So there is it, my unspoken words have literally caused my weight problem.

And then I thought, what was the reason I never stood up for myself? Why couldn't I discuss (insert situation) with the other person? Low self worth, insecure, yes.. but then the real answer came swiftly: FEAR. Fear of confrontation, fear of creating chaos, fear of the other person lashing out in a hurtful, disrespectful way, fear of abandonment, fear of being seen as the 'bad guy', fear of being hurt more.. the list goes on.

And guess what the most ironic thing is in all of this? ALL of those things (and more) happened ANYWAY. PLUS now I'm very upset with myself for not opening my mouth when I should have. I giggled out loud to myself at this realization. I went through hell and back, and yet.. here I am. A little more wise, a whole lot older, and totally ready to not only survive, but THRIVE.

Now I'm not saying to take a strip of someone in a rude, disrespectful way. There are ways to tactfully and gracefully handle even the most awkward and uncomfortable of situations, but that's for another day. You need to learn, as I am, to stand your ground, know your worth, and set your boundaries. Then defend them. Against anyone who steps on the line. Trust me, your future self will thank you.

If you can relate, or if you have any questions or respectful comments, please leave them below. Remember that I love you, and I believe in you!

Stay well my zesty Friends,

Erin Spencer